oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
