Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
