I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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