white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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