wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
