Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
