take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
