Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
