Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
