this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
