Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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