you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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