So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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