a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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