dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
