You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
