Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
