Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
