Where did you get a picture of my penis
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
