I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
