So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
