if i can run in heels then i can drive
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
send nudes
from the living room?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
