what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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