I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
