Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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