Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sober January is a disaster.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
