Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
