Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
