I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
