Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize