if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
