I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
