i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
