I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
