How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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