Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
