The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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