i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
