were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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