My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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