How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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