apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
