My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she told me i tasted like america
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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