Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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