I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
