She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
