alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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