I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
