Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
