Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
