singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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