its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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