My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
sarcasm needs its own font
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
