so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
