i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
