It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
