You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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