I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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