why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
