In the future we'll all be gay
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
