Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
