I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
