i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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