dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
