just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
