Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
