How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I understand Curling. That high.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
