i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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