And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
