need another drink. this is the easiest way
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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