I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
