gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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