it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
