Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize