I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
