I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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