im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize