You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
