so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why do cheetos always look like penises
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
