He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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