Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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