ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
