The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
