just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
