What a fucking waste of an outfit
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
