I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
