You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize