I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
