she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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